Baseball kicks off this week and I’ve got the fever. I was going to be super clever today and post a musically inspired preview for the American League Central; for each team in the division, I was going to have a track and a few hundred words describing my feelings about their prospects for the upcoming season. (We are huge baseball fans here at Citizen Dick.) Two things got in the way of that grand plan:
1. John Buccigross does the exact same thing for hockey, so a post of the sort I’d imagined would be a complete and total rip-off of someone else’s work.
2. It’s LAZY SATURDAY. The whole point is that I can lob something out into the ether without a massive amount of effort. (editor’s note: This is not meant to be disrespectful to you, dear reader. Brian sweats out every single word in each post and cares deeply about making a sincere effort every time he writes for the internet. All that being said, it’s the weekend. Chill out a little.)
In the absence of overt plagiarism and/or hard work, I’ve got three bitching tracks that you can link to your baseball team of choice if you so desire. As an added bonus, I’ll even hit you with three solid and well-reasoned opinions about my Cleveland Indians.
1. Cliff Lee and Fausto Carmona are both the real deal. Assuming his arm does not completely fall off, Carl Pavano might be a legitimate major leager. If David Huff and Jake Westbrook are factored in as mid-season replacements (AAA and injury recovery, respectively), the Tribe has a legitimate five man rotation. In Cleveland, that kind of uncertainty is taken as a complete and total blessing of the starting pitching.
2. The bullpen is better. Given last season’s complete and total train wreck, it would be impossible to be worse. On a completely unrelated note, I will give you your very own guest column if you can get Masa Kobayashi deported. (I’m sure he’s a good dude, but he is not good at playing baseball.)
3. They’re going to score runs (even if Travis Hafner is giving people carts at Wal-Mart in June). Given the above average staff, scoring runs should mean wins.
All things considered, I’ve got the Indians penciled in to win 94 games this year and run away with the Central.
So. Enjoy Soul Coughing, Spoon and Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. At least 30% of the entertainment in today’s post is guessing which American League teams I was going to assign each track to.
“The Idiot Kings” – Soul Coughing, Live, 1997
Idiot Kings? I’m hoping that’s not a dig at the Sox, because even you gotta admit, they EARNED that crown last season. Which isn’t to say I’m predicting another one, it’s gonna be a dogfight this year, no question. Hey, at least we’ve got Barack Obama though.