The Wal-Mart by my house is an absolute circus. If it’s not the grossly understaffed work force, it’s the whining kids and generally bile-bubbling flutter of cost cutting tension. Even with all of the mayhem associated with a simple trip to Wally Mart, there are even more factors that raise my ire to dangerous levels. Okay, I snore. I’m not going to be shy about it. When I pass out, especially after a night of booze, you don’t really want to be anywhere near me unless you have an iPod turned all the way up. A guy like me needs those Breathe Right strips to cure a problem like this. If I slip one of those things on, I might as well be a wispy thin hipster sleeping like a quiet lamb. Everyone is happy. I sleep well, my next door neighbors don’t have to turn their TV on to drown me out, and the masses enjoy my tempered and mild-mannered disposition the next day. When I reached aisle 7 at Wal-Mart, I steered my cart past three crazy dudes blocking the aisle for no immediately apparent reason and found the sleep aids. Can you believe it, every single box of Breath Right strips was empty? No shit. Somebody covertly, no doubt in stealth clothing with the getaway car warmed up, stole the goddamn snoring stickers. Not only was I moderately confused, but I also became a hell of a daydreamer. I pictured the little weasels doing it. They neatly had ripped open each individual box and ganked the goods right out of them. Who does this? Who the hell steals Breathe Right nasal strips?
Has the economy reached such piss poor elevation that smack dealers have developed deviated septums? Let’s get real, folks. There’s no black market for this stuff. They’re certainly not cheap, but this is inconsequential. We’ve got to get some kind of program going to alleviate the catalysts of this chain reaction. People get poor, people steal things that they have no business stealing, and everyone loses their freaking mind. When I left the building, I had a whole bag full of things I didn’t need, empty handed when it came to the only thing I entered the Caesar’s Palace of Deals for in the first place. I was pissed. I spent about fifteen minutes programming my iPod with a killer playlist worthy of the half hour commute necessary to reach the nearest CVS pharmacy and back. It was a great list, including many tracks from albums we’ve already reviewed if you search our tags, and a few that we have long form reviews currently in the works for, particularly Clues, WAND, Jarvis Cocker, Bellini, Wooden Birds, and The High Strung. If you would have pulled up beside me and tuned your FM transmitter to 90.7, you would have gotten one kick ass Radio Dick session, complete with songs to punch snoring robbers to and tracks mellow enough to keep your fists unclenched; let’s face it, people need a good night’s sleep.
++ Akron/Family – “Last Year”
++ Art Brut – “Slap Dash for No Cash”
++ Wooden Birds – “Anna Paula”
++ TVOTR – “I Was a Lover”
++ Wooden Shjips – “Motorbike”
++ Doves – “Kingdom of Rust”
++ Fever Ray – “Concrete Walls”
The Horrors – “Sea Within A Sea”
++ Suede Brothers – “Sweet Nothing”
++ The High Strung – “Standing at the Door of Self Discovery”
++ Radiohead – “No Surprises”
Clues – “Remember Severed Head”
++ Foreign Born – “Vacationing People”
++ Crocodiles – “I Wanna Kill”
++ Elvis Perkins in Dearland – “How’s Forever Been, Baby?”
++ My Morning Jacket – “Run Thru”
Jason Collett – “Charlyn, Angel of Kensington”
++ Monahans – “It’s Enough to Leave You”
Double Dagger – “The Lie The Truth”
++ White Stripes – “Jolene”
