If we’re being 100% honest, we don’t know why we’re so fascinated with Twitter and, more saliently, our number of followers thereon.  We realize that, to a large degree, it’s just marketing and product placement and so on and so forth.  (Nobody gives a shit that you’re at the airport.  We all care that Shaq is.  Dig?)  That said, we really want an ass-load of people to know our most intimate thoughts and feelings on a minute by minute basis.  As such, we’re making a bald-faced plea to you, dear and loyal reader, to follow us on the Twitter.

What’s in it for you, right?

First:  You get our periodic witticisms and are constantly updated on new posts.  We’re witty as hell and you want to know when there’s new content, right?

Second (this is where it gets interesting): If you happen to follow us on an even, century-type number (300, 400, 500…) we will give you (and only you) a highly unique prize of some undetermined value.  It might be a soiled pair of Diamond Jim’s underpants or a personalized mix tape or a hand-drawn portrait.  Regardless, we’ll ship it and you’ll be the only person on the face of this Earth to have it.  Sweet, right?  And.  To keep you sneaky bastards on your toes, we’re going to draw a random non-century type number every other 100 entries (As in: 352, 512 and the like; we promise to use the random number generator.)  We don’t want any greedy Gusses keeping their fingers off the triggers if the follower number isn’t x99.  This keeps things mildly random and slightly more interesting,  To sum up: prizes for 300, 400, 500… and prizes for random numbers in the interim.  Maybe Citizen Dick winds up in the canon of blogs and, some day, gets enshrined in a hall of some sort; if so, you’ll be able to sell that shit at Christies for like a million dollars.  (We understand that there will be some logistical wrangling, as we’ll need your address and some way to confirm that you are out n-hundredth follower, but we’re pretty sure that we can manage it.)

So, follow us and we’ll (potentially, if the numerology aligns) give you some shit.  Everybody wins.

Since we’re pretty overtly whoring out with this contest, we’ve got two songs below.  They have absolutely nothing to do with the Twitter Shenanigans Contest, but they will ensure that this post goes to both the Hype Machine and Elbows.  We know that’s backhanded and openly needy, but, just this one time, we don’t care.  Cheers.

The Postmarks – My Lucky Charm

Hockey – Song Away (Jack Beats Anger Management Remix)